Dinnertime by Weird Al Zaharankovich

Dinnertime,
And the eating is easy,
Parmesan cheese is in,
Tomatoes are lycopene,
Spaghetti is rich,
Raw onion is healthy,
The sauce is lip-smacking,
So rush in, my Muse-y,
Don't be shy,
Dinnertime ...

Jolly Good Porker

For he is a jolly good porker,

For he is a jolly good porker,

So said his clappers,

So said his clappers!

Belly up, belly ho,

Snug in the tub,

No bend touch toe!

Eyes porcine,

Keen on the wine,

Swills the swine!

A trotter a copper,

A clod a-twitter,

Cloven hooves,

Bristly hair,

Down Under,

Outer Underwear.

For he is a jolly good porker,

For he is a jolly good porker,

So said all of his clappers,

So said all of his clappers.

Tell a tale and go to jail

Gals can show off their wares and live to tell the tale,
But if men were to do the same, they'd be hauled to jail.

Nasi & Ilusi

Minda mencernak nasi,
Dapur menternak ilusi.

Dew Drops

At break of day,
Dew drops open their doe eyes
To greet the sun's ray.

The Art of not Giving Offense

by Zaharan Razak on Friday, February 25, 2011 at 5:32pm

In the land of the blind, it is not smart to tell you are sighted,

In the Third Reich, it was not smart to tell you were a Jew,

In a dog pack, the smart thing to do is keep your tail between your legs,

In Tripoli, it is not a good idea to talk at a tangent

From any group you happen to be with, just blend in;

If you happen to be in Taliban country, dress appropriately,

If you are among Calibans, don't quote Shakespeare,

Least not from The Tempest;

Among nuts, don't say you're a screw,

Faced with a Jakarta stadium crowd,

Don't say I'm Malaysian, loud and proud,

Remember, one wrong wong does not make all wongs wrong,

So don't go shoot your mouth and rant,

At FB not smart to fart outside your pants

And to many a wong gives offense

Invite to a teh tarik and make amends.

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• 
  
• Nusrat Al-Jafree and Syukri Ramli like this.

Zaharan Razak

Old Chinese saying: Where there is smoke, there is a Chinese.
New Chinese saying: Where there is an accident, there is a Chinese tow truck.
Latest Chinese saying: Where there is a mishap, there is a Chinese with a video camera.
Latest latest Chinese saying: Where there is a video of a gory accident, a Chinese will upload it to FB ...

11 hours ago · ·

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• Aida Marie Mohamad and Irene Nor Rashidah Shamsudin like this.
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    Irene Nor Rashidah Shamsudin i wonder what inspired this..but it is true!

    5 hours ago ·
  • 

    Aida Marie Mohamad Give me some gore. Mana?

    about an hour ago ·
  • 

    Zaharan Razak AMM: See Joedrifter's wall ... he is a true blue chinaman ... gore and more smokes out from his nostril and belches from his belly like a dragon of yore ... another attempt at instant poetry ... g'dey?

    20 minutes ago ·
  • 

    Zaharan Razak Irene: Like a magpie, a writer is an incorrigible thief, but unlike the magpie who steals things, a writer steals ideas and put them into his own words and the result emerges/appears as instant literature after the blood, sweat and tears of inspiration ... try it ... good for your soul ...

    19 minutes ago ·

A Wolf & A Raven

Show me the range of a wolf,
Show me the flight of a raven,
And I'll show you the living proof,
Of the pathway to heaven.

Tarantula Shows Ayantula His Nuts, Screws, Camshaft & Piston ...

Ayantula:

Aku terpana!

Tarantula:

Mu spanar, aku skrew,

Mu pulas, aku tuas;

Mu nut, aku camshaft,

Mu berlubang, aku berbatang;

Mu rack, aku pinion,

Mu terlantar, aku hoister;

Mu universal joint, aku ball and socket,

Mu gyrate, aku dilate;

Mu silinder, aku piston,

Ada pelincir, ada action!

LOTFFPITAL!

(Lying on the floor feet pedaling in the air, laughing!)

Bull's 'I'

Bull's 'I'

There is nothing more musical to the ears of a released arrow than when it hears a thud.

***

The Critic in the Critter

It is not that we wish others, and ourselves, ill, but merely that we speak ill of ourselves, and others, so we may heal.

***
At FB, Thinking Is Optional

Caged Canary: We come to FB to enjoy and relax, not think!
Buzzard: So where do you go to think?
Caged Canary: We don't do thinking!
Buzzard: If you don't think for yourselves, then others will do it for you!
Caged Canary: Precisely, they are our think tank! We don't have to worry a thing!
Buzzard: You're not free!
Caged Canary: Freedom? Bah! It's just another name for responsibility. You're free but you have to find your dinner. Our needs are all provided for.
Buzzard: There's no challenge! You don't learn anything!
Caged Canary: We don't do those either!
Buzzard: So what do you do to earn your keeps?
Caged Canary: Take position, tilt our heads for the cameras, smile sweetly and tweet to their ears.
Buzzard: As a GRO!
Caged Canary: We are in the image and pleasure industries, no different from being an air stewardess or motor show model.

Rohaliza Abdullah

aku terpana
madahmu mencair bahang dendamku
kerinduan di kejauhan ini
bak tugu yang keras membatu
luruh dek kata-katamu
...yang indah berlagu

Zaharan Razak

Aku terpana?
Aku spanner,
Mu screw,
Aku pulas,
Mu tuas!
...
The above is my unglamorous attempt to join in the puisi-ing here, hehehe!See More

5 hours ago · 1 person

Rohaliza Abdullah ha ha ha
Good one Sir Z. Enjoy yr nite :))

Still Searching for a Heart of Gold

I want to live on,

I want to give one,

My pot of gold,

But I'm still searching for a heart of gold,

I've been a miner for a heart of gold,

And I'm getting old,

These expressions have never found a heart of gold,

Keeps me searching for a heart of gold,

I've looked in the neck of my woods,

I've been to faraway woods,

But I keep bumping into dead wood,

So I keep searching for a heart of gold,

And I'm getting old,

I want to live, I want to give,

Before I become old,

So I keep searching for a heart of gold.

(Adapted from Neil Young's song, Heart of Gold)

Hire a Maid, Find a Wife, Failing Which, Call Up a Poltergeist

Before you go to bed,
Say these words instead,
Fern leaf, ciku leaf and rice,
Nails of cats, whiskers of mice,
Spirit of the dead,
Shadow of the wise,
From the grave, rise!
Come to my bed,
Come to my head,
Be my poltergeist,
And claim your prize!
Now you can sleep soundly
Before you awaken energized
With a ghost comprised
In your enterprise.

Source of inspiration:

baca pantun ni setiap kali sblum tido "makan nasi pucuk paku,campur daun pkok ciku,dtg lah HANTU dtg PADAKU..dtglah engkau tido bersamaku"tunggu je nti dtglah hantu tu..hehe3... NORAINI ANIE.

Holy Howler

Wednesday, January 19, 2011,
Approaching midnight,
The moon is out in full,
If you hear a rustling sound,
A rasping sound,
A crackling sound,
A breaking sound,
Building up,
Ripping apart,
And it begins to feel a bit scary,
Don't worry,
It is probably
Just the recently
Moved in stranger next door
Molting into a werewolf ...
Imaginary.

A Poetun: Shy Desire

Burung merpati terbang seribu,

Hinggap seekor ditengah laman,

Hendak mati dihujung kuku,

Hendak berkubur ditapak tangan. - Song lyric, Latifah Omar & One Other.

This is my translation:

A hundred pigeons fly to the roof-top,
A lame one hobbles on the lawn,
Desire edges tremulously till the nail's tip,
Then hurries back to the security of the palm!

Ajai, My Departed Son

Jai, how are you?
You left this world on Thursday,
December 30, 2010.
I only got to know today.
You were 13 years, three months, and three days old.
Jai, you bore your affliction
from the day you were born,
the last sixteen months bed-ridden,
in a state of coma.
I cannot possibly know
how you felt inside your brain and body.
You fought a brave battle to live on for that long.
You held on for as long as possible, then it was time to let go.
I took care of you for 42 days from December 4, 2009
to January 17, 2010. Day and night, 24 hours a day,
seven days a week. Then I had to go.
Since then we had not met. Now you're gone.
Jai, I cannot experience you, but in my imagination,
I can see you seeing me as I write this.
Everyone living will go the way you have gone.
I too will go. After my time has come, I hope
to meet you "in person" again.
Hugs and kisses, Jai. Your Papa.

The World's Strongest Insect Is A Dung Beetle

The mating behavior of dung beetles is no less titillating than a tabloid ... such is the wiles of nature in its vast tapestry of creation ... read the story here: http://www.smh.com.au/world/science/sex-games-

Instant, Integrated Enlightenment Terminal

The dung beetle and the heavenly world of his own creation - a dung ball. Humble though the analogy may be ... snigger if it pleases you to do so ... the lowly insect and the even more lowly dung ball is a metaphor for ultimate reality - one that is not other-mediated but entirely self-fashioned ... by the power of your transcendental spiritual consciousness ...

The dung beetle aka scarab was an object of veneration by the ancient Egyptians.

'I' of the Dung Beetle

Like a dung beetle breaks forth from,
feeds and lives on a ball of dung,
so have I found my instant,
integrated enlightenment terminal
from the dung heap of received wisdom
piled on me from the day I was born
some sixty four years ago.
It took me that long to break through
the many layers of other-mediated cajoles,
threats, promises, betrayals,
conflicting, disjointed claims, and
harangues mixed with exemplary tales
with no seeming time nor logic lines.
Millions of people fall under its powerful sway
playing on guilt and dire punishment and promises
of untold rewards all, strangely, appealing
to the senses which were considered a sin in the first place.

A significant other is going to punish, emphasis is on punish,
me with unmentionable - and yet mentioned in the greatest detail -
forms of punishment which would make Bush's Guantanamo Bay
or Hitler's Dresden look like children's playgrounds just because
I beg to differ - a difference of opinion - from the forms
of the received wisdom. If I'm seen to genuflect
and mutter the correct formulas and mantras - the correct forms -
I'll be rewarded with objects of desire which I don't desire in the first place -
mansions, maidens and, heard tell, young males.
Hey, I just want to be a dung beetle and left alone
to roll my dung ball as I please ...
Am I a problem to you?
This dung ball, mind you, is one I fashion myself
and not given to me on a silver platter.
Don't want no silver platter from nobody ...
Just leave me alone with my dung ball.
If anyone is interested to know how do I conjure up my dung ball,
the answer is simple - it is the sum of my total awareness
which I discover for myself from experience, reading and thinking,
not repeating verbatim any received wisdom like a parrot
with little understanding. Received wisdom, in their corral or cage,
is easy enough to understand at the literal level
and it appeals to the mass mind or canary in-a-cage mentality
but placed under the scrutiny of objective studies, they fall apart.
Enlightenment is the ability to see the spiritual forest from the trees
made up of conflicting claims, life's varied events and subtle progressions.